You, you got what I need, but you say she’s just a friend

March 2, 2010

So, time for the epilogue on Mr. Nice Guy.  I saw him at a concert this weekend we were both attending with the same group of friends.  And who was with him?  His new girlfriend, which came to a shock to everyone there.  Particularly… me.

So apparently, after our date, he ended up having a talk with a friend of his who he had drunkenly slept with at some point before he met me.  And now they’ve decided to give dating a try.  So… yeah, that just happened.  But apparently he did actually like me, and did mean all the things he said and was genuine in his behavior, at the time.  So, there’s that?  Either way, crummy timing.  Luckily, I’ve been through essentially this same situation before, so this is pretty much old hat.  Yay?

Sadly, there’s really not a damn thing you can do to compete with a friend.  Especially after just one date.  And also, what an awkward situation for him to be in (unless he was secretly in love with her, but seriously dude, if you just slept with the girl you’re in love with, don’t try dating someone else until you have figured that sitch out).  But he can’t exactly say, “Yeah, I know I slept with you and we’ve been good friends for years, but I think I’m going to keep dating this girl I just met and have been on one date with” unless he wants to lose a friend.  And possibly get a swift kick to the crotch.  Que sera sera.

So at first I was pretty bummed.  Then I was kind of angry for him putting me in the situation of having zero forewarning that what was already going to be an awkward encounter at the concert (“So… how’s it been since that date you never called me after?”) would include the added insult of him making out with a new girl in front of me.  Then I was filled with general feelings of inadequacy.  Then I felt sorry for him being in that situation.  Then I was bummed again.  Then I was angry at fate for sending an interloper to screw up my awesome connection.  Then I contemplated what an awesome word “interloper” was and looked it up in the dictionary to just confirm that it was the most perfect word ever for this scenario (“One that interferes with the affairs of others, often for selfish reasons” – damn straight, dictionary.com!).  Then I ate some girl scout cookies.

And THEN today, I decided that perhaps this wasn’t Fate enjoying some great schadenfreude at my expense – perhaps this was fate intervening because this is still not the right guy!  And then I remembered that my friend had sent me the Michael Buble song “Haven’t Met You Yet” – so now I am taking this as a sign that Mr. Right is still somewhere out there, and when it’s really meant to be with a guy, he won’t be dissuaded by a friend suddenly realizing she wants to date him.

Perhaps this romantic optimism means you should call me Charlotte, but instead…

xoxo, Samantha


giving it one more go…

February 26, 2010

folks, i’m going to give online dating one more try. i tried it briefly about a year ago and met a dude who was…different. he had a SUPER high voice, was drinking girlie martinis (i know, i shouldn’t judge this…but on a first date, i totally did) and he was just weird. so i gave it up, and said it wasn’t for me. however, last night i was thinking that maybe i should give it a go one more time. so i did it. i reactivated my profile and am ready for the hilarious stories that are sure to come. i’ll keep y’all posted.

does anyone have an online dating success story? i do have a couple of friends who actually dated men for about 4 months that they met online. which is definitely something. i just felt like i would rather not waste time seeing if someone actually looks like their picture. however, i’m going to try to be open-minded and see where it leads me… :)





February 15, 2010

it’s valentine’s day. i have never particularly cared for valentine’s day. not because i hate the world or i hate couples or anything like that. i just hate the long waits at restaurants (when i worked at houston’s we would run a 3 hour wait on v-day. ridiculous. who WERE those people?!) and i hate that it’s categorized as a holiday that women care about so much. my best valentine’s day was when the ex and i went to the circus. it was so fun. regardless, it’s a big holiday and today two unsettling things happened that forced me to think about valentine’s day.

first, the ex sent me a text this afternoon. yes, not earth shattering news, i know. but let me back up. the ex told me not quite a month ago, that his wife was freaking out about us being facebook friends. he would have to defriend me and he might even delete his fb account. keep in mind, that i NEVER write on his call, comment on things he says/posts/etc. we have NO fb contact at all. i am just listed on his friends list. well, i was, at least. after he told me that she was pissed, he defriended me. he also informed me he was pissed about the whole thing and thanks for being understanding, blah blah blah. cut to about 1:45 pm. he sends me a text message wishing me a happy valentine’s day. are you freakin’ serious dude? it’s valentine’s day. you are married with twins on the way. the LAST thing i want is to hear from you. sigh.

THEN, the banker calls me. i was so shocked i literally just stared at the phone. he didn’t leave a message so i have no idea what he wanted. but i don’t understand why all these exes feel the need to text/call on freaking valentine’s day. just let me be. y’all don’t know the banker, but suffice to say that he fucked with my head enough that i had to cut him out of my life just to get a clean break and let myself breathe again.

so, what does this all mean? it means that on what is supposed to be a day full of love, two people i have previously loved but have moved on from (with much difficulty in one case, maybe even both) felt the need to contact me. perhaps i should be flattered? except i’m not. i just wanted to go about my business on feb. 14th and not really have to think about previous relationships. and since receiving said text/call, it’s all i’ve been able to do. ugh.




sex without feelings?

February 12, 2010

it is my personal belief that women who say that they can have sex “like men” (you know, with no feelings and no attachment) are lying. i know a few women who profess to be able to do this. but they are the same women who get their panties in a bunch when the guy they had “feeling-less” sex with fails to call. as for me, i don’t have causal sex because i know that i can’t. for me, sex isn’t causal. but i sometimes wish i was able to. wouldn’t it be nice to be able to sleep with someone and then not feel like you are in love with them?

how would that even work? my male friends have explained to me many times how they are just wired differently than the average woman. when they have sex, it is simply a physical act. it doesn’t necessarily (but can) have a thing to do with the person they are currently with. it’s just about feeling good.

does anyone out there profess to be able to do this? i have to warn you, i’m going to be very skeptical and probably not believe you. but i’d love to hear your story. :)




Samantha’s Book Club

February 7, 2010

In part due to having moments of weakness where I thought self-help books could be useful and in part due to my mother (bless her heart!) sending me the occasional “single girls are great!” empowerment book, I have amassed a small collection of girly books with dating advice.  Most are pretty blah, a few are actually pretty good (I particularly liked “Cinderella Was a Liar” by Brenda Della Casa), and a few are downright enraging to any girl with a scrap of dignity.

But just this week, a new book was released that caught my attention:


I seriously did a bit of a double-take when I saw this book – “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.”  This seems to go against everything I’ve ever believed!  There must be such outrage from the public!  Who is this person to dare suggest I should settle for a second-rate man?  Me, the girl who spent 3 years looking for the perfect pair of earmuffs before buying a pair!

So I then read the reviews, which all seemed to be… positive?  [Side note: I really don’t know how they do the official (as in not from people like me) “reviews” section on Amazon – perhaps the author can screen out people who call her a hack?]  But when people say things like “The Rules turned single women needy, He’s Just Not That Into You made them depressed, and Marry Him finally sets them free,” perhaps it actually has a valid point?  Every fiber of my being wants to say, “No!  I refuse to settle!”  But then I remember that, thus far, I have yet to meet that tall, dark, handsome, green-eyed, dimpled, intelligent, well-educated, ambitious, hilariously funny, down-to-earth, mature, athletic, compassionate, genuinely sweet man with a Brad Pitt face and Jesus abs, who adores me for who I am, knows how to cook, sends me flowers in a non-cliche way, and finds it endearing that I am kind of a slob with what we’ll politely call a “strong personality.”  Perhaps our problem really is that we have labeled anything short of perfection to be “settling” and, when combined with that feeling that there is an even better guy just around the corner (I’ll save Samantha’s Theory of Dating Fungibility for another time), we never actually allow ourselves to be happy with this pretty all-around decent guy we’ve met?  So maybe this woman is onto something, in much the same way the infamous phrase “he’s just not that into you” collectively shocked women everywhere at first, but then it sort of… made sense?

So now I am seriously contemplating reading this book.  I’d love to hear feedback from any of you on the idea behind this book – is it time that we start to, for lack of a better word, settle?

xoxo, Samantha


What happens now?

February 7, 2010

Ah, the date with Mr. Nice Guy was everything one could possibly hope for in a date.  We joked and laughed and had a delightful time and it felt as though I’d known him for years.  Indeed, after dinner he took me to a really cute little wine bar where he happened to know the owner, and the owner got on his case for not having brought me around sooner – he would not believe it was our first date because we seemed so comfortable together!

So now comes the question of what happens next.  This is in part due to the horrifically stupid Hallmark holiday coming up next weekend.  What does one do when your second date would be Valentine’s Day weekend?  How horribly awkward!  Dinner reservations would be impossible to come by, and you would be surrounded by mushy couples everywhere, and the whole date would be tainted with forced romance.  (I’m obviously just jumping right over the very slight issue that he has not actually asked me out on a second date, but I remain optimistic despite my unfortunate history of being incapable of making it to “date three” more than once a year.)  Although I believe that my officemate had invited him to join our “Valentine’s Night at the Clerb” plans for Sunday night (thank you, President’s Day!) and that would be a whole lot less pressure than having to go on a date.

Beyond the strategic problems of what happens next due to this insipid holiday, the bigger problem is what happens next due to me being, somewhat unfortunately, me.  Despite what can often be a harsh exterior, I really am the most pathetically sappy romantic at heart, and my goodness I can become smitten fast.  Literally, you give me a look that even sort of resembles this:

and I am pretty much ready to have your children (bonus points if you have just done a sexy-diving-into-a-lake-in-your-Victorian-era-skivvies move).  But anyways, Mr. Nice Guy totally gave me a variant of that look!  With the main variations being that he was wearing a less girly shirt and was not Colin Firth.  So now I’m all turning into a googly-eyed ball of girl mush, and that is never a good thing to turn into after a first date!

So, to sum up: (Me + Mr. Darcy Stare)/(Insipid Hallmark Holiday) = (Ball of Girl Mush) – (Any Idea of What Comes Next).

And yes, I’m a huge nerd.

xoxo, Samantha


The Mythical Nice Guy – He Does Exist!

February 3, 2010

So the magical third day rolled around, and in accordance with all the stupid rules men have been told (I blame Swingers), as I was sitting on my couch during the 8 to 9 pm window (which is the prime time to make such a phone call), I hear the unmistakably sound of “Bad Romance” start up – my phone is ringing!  So I put my Millionaire Matchmaker (don’t judge, that is some quality entertainment) on mute and answer the phone.  I’m 60% sure this caught him off guard, because no one actually answers their phones nowadays.  But answer I did.  And he’s very cute and jokes that he had been walking past a sporting goods store and saw a tennis racket and remembered that he’d been meaning to call (and yes, it literally took me talking to my officemate to make the connection to the Australian Open final from Saturday, because I could have sworn I hadn’t discussed with him that I used to be a tennis player and was very perplexed).  So he says he’d like to see me and wonders if I’m free for dinner on Friday.  Which I am, because I have no life.  So he’s going to get back in touch with me re: exact time and location, but date is on for roughly 9:30 on Friday (yes, it’s NYC, a 9:30 dinner is not horrifically late).  Success!

In an additional stroke of adorable nice-guyness, he contacted my officemate today to see if I have any dietary restrictions.  That is just precious.  I also really need to stop referring to guys I date as “precious,” I suppose it’s a bit emasculating and a smidge condescending.  But I like precious!  I appreciate precious!  Precious is my type.  So emasculated it is.

Stay tuned to find out if Mr. Nice Guy lives up to the fairly generic moniker I have arbitrarily given him on here.

xoxo, Samantha